Thursday, April 30, 2009

Much ado over relationships - 1 - the evolving context

A friend had this link to a post on infidelity recently, where the lady was preaching about a whole lot of things. And that got me thinking, coz wat that lady said sounded almost trite to me.

Hence a minor deviation from our usual story roundup, to talk about, well not infidelity per se but relationships in general.

A caveat however before we start, i'm only a single 26 going on 27 chap, not someone who can claim to have that marriage which lasted 50 golden years of do take what i say with a pinch of salt, probably your understanding of relationships is better than mine.

So the way I see it, the world has evolved from the time the definition of relationships like 'family' and 'marriage' were formed.

In a marriage for one...'interdependence' is a strong linkage making both the parties need each other. While traditionally 'men' used to go out and earn food and money 'women' were the emotional providers.

Cut to the present shot...both 'men' and 'women' go out there to earn money and hence 'both' require emotional support and more so require to be emotional providers.

Now point two, earlier work used to be (and i'm talking really early times)...go out in the morning, water the fields and rest of the day chat under the banyan tree. Ok in more recent times, it was go do your work and be back by 5. Now...8-8 is the usual timings for a lot of people and that at the junior level, as you go higher its usually 7-11. You fit in meetings, reviews, office talks, con-calls, pre-work, post-work and all that and you barely have time to breathe....and lesser time for while you may have the need for emotional end up not having time to either consume or provide it.

Point three, farmers really didn't care if his neighbour produced a few more bushels of wheat...what was he gonna do...smoke a better hooka? As the number of materialistic choices increase, our focus is progressively on getting a better house, a bigger car, a bigger tv, a smaller cell. The need to prove to the worl that i'm no. 1, higher increments, faster promotion, respect at it is about 70% of my time is getting devoted to the office...hence most of the 'needs' also shift towards the office...and so office relationships and dynamics and achievements get highlighted more than personal relationships.

Office becomes less as a place to earn bread for the family but more like a family in itself, except that it has no place for your emotions, which are left orphaned.

Hence as a summary what is hurting modern day relationships is three key things
1. Reducing 'interdependence' in traditional terms and not yet evolved contemporary interdependence
2. Reduced time availability for personal life
3. Increasing importance of work place achievements over personal achievements

So is it doomsday for relationships?

I wouldn't believe so, like always humans are evolving to the new conditions around them. The interdependence is evolving, men are learning to be the emotional providers also, women are finding their own place in the corporate envt.

Having seen others fail, people are realizing to pull back and give time to family and slowly people are beginning to question the importance of materialistic achievements...cause they find, hey whats the fun with that new promotion, if i'm gonna be divorced and there's no one whose gonna be cheering me up and feeling happy over my success.

Though the point is, those of us who don't evolve, or evolve slowly will find the process of evolution very very hard to bear. Cause thats how evolution works, when the sun is burning down on your head, you either learn to build a shelter against it very quick or you well, have u seen sun dried tomatoes :P


  1. Yes I agree... rationalisation has taken over our personal lives and adapting to it would be the best move. :)

  2. In the end it all depends on what you really want , how badly you want it and what you're willing to forgo to get it.
    You make your bed and you lie in it.
    Same goes for relationship--same goes for work.
    It's all on the choices one makes.
    Cheers and thanks for stopping by.

  3. Definitely.. the things we need have changed with changing times and so we need to move with the times, and as you put it protect ourselves from becoming sun-dried tomatoes =P

  4. Preeti Shenoy, I go after God,I want to badly,I forgo everything for Him and I'm willing to become a sundried tomato.

  5. It's a matter of perspective......I've seen my friends of your age who are married and for them it's a different plane altogether...they are more like friends than the normal husband/wife types who are happy with each others success and are willing to compromise too....

  6. the scenario you mention is just so real...and well, scary..
    i guess thats where the dreamers of the society come in, to add optimism in this stark reality.. :)
    and yes, your points do need to be heard, and real fast..

  7. So what, if you have earned your Roti for the day if you have no one to share an Aloo ka parathan with. :)


  8. @ki...yes we need to break away from a lot of societal evolve as a society

    @preeti...i liked the words u used, it summarizes it so beautifully

    @Siras...yeah one can see an increasing number of sun dried tomatoes these days

    @Sohpie...aint marriage...two friends who kiss...we've got three love marriages in our school gang..and yes i kno wat u mean :)

    @Mrinalini...its not only requires one to not get bound by what has traditionally been...and you'll see enuf guys...who have learnt to change the nappies on the baby :) why does that sound familiar :P
    i don't have neone to share it with though...but i'm still thankful to god that i have a mother who has the magic in her cooking and a heart that fills food with love

    these days i'm numb...its like the time in pune when i had to put my bike in a skid to avoid a high speed accident and i went into a frigid mode...with no feelings just automated actions...that is what i have become...i live...but not in hope...i just live cause i'm supposed to

  9. you write such profound stuff as well?
    You're so right about relationships in this contemporary world, we might say we aren't a part of it but deep down we are - competitive, materialistic and just can't let go kind of state of mind. When do we step back and realise that it's too late? Anyway.

    And I like sun dried tomatoes in my salad ;)


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